At a Halloween celebration final October, Macarena Gomez-Barris, dressed as being a flamenco dancer, create a plate of her do-it-yourself guacamole and examined regarding the boiling pot of fresh corn when you look at the home. She’d recently divided from her spouse of 12 years, plus the buddies streaming in now were wanting to meet her new love, whom, with this evening, ended up being the pirate when you look at the hat that is three-cornered pumpkins outside. After her wedding separated in 2007, handful of people who knew Gomez-Barris had thought she’d be solitary for long—”a catch, ” they called her—and these were appropriate.
An animated 38-year-old, Gomez-Barris did actually get it all—a brilliant job, two kids, striking looks. Her family members had started to the usa from Chile whenever she had been 2 to escape Augusto Pinochet’s army dictatorship and also to pursue the traditional dream that is american. While studying on her master’s level at UC Berkeley, she came across a charismatic Chilean exile and fiction author called Roberto Leni at a salsa club in bay area. “We had immediate chemistry, in which he ended up being my soul mates, ” Gomez-Barris claims. They married and eight years later on had their very first youngster, a son.
The difficulty started when they relocated to Los Angeles, where their child was created and Gomez-Barris’s educational job shot to popularity in the University of Southern Ca. Leni invested their times looking after the home and young ones. “I became into the more effective part, ” says Gomez-Barris, a PhD as well as a associate professor when you look at the sociology and US studies and ethnicity divisions. “I made more income and had been struggling to balance might work and house life. “
“Immersed, ” is how Leni places it. “She lived and breathed USC. All her buddies had been teachers, and in the end I became obsolete. “
Their noble ideals unfortunately clashed with day-to-day realities. “some one needed to worry about earning profits to guide our house, ” claims Gomez-Barris. Despite efforts to save lots of their relationship in guidance, they finished up isolating.
Single once again at 36, Gomez-Barris dated a men that are few none really. “these were not too clear on on their own within their jobs or economically, ” she states. “It ended up being a time of genuine research and independence that is personal and I also became really logical in regards to the form of partner we desired and required”—someone, she hoped, who does match her intellectual aspirations but additionally look after her young ones.
A professor of English, American studies and ethnicity, and gender studies at USC at a party one night last March, Gomez-Barris ran into Judith Halberstam, PhD. That they had met in 2004 and admired each other’s scholarly achievements, sometimes finding by themselves during the exact same campus events. But while they shared an affinity for politics and social justice, these were apparently miles aside within their private life. Halberstam, almost ten years her senior, had been freely homosexual.
That evening, Halberstam, that has additionally split up by having a partner of 12 years, spotted Gomez-Barris standing throughout the room and thought, “Now, there is an extremely breathtaking girl. ” “we saw her differently then and developed a large crush on the, ” claims Halberstam. “Yet it made me personally stressed, considering that We have a history of unrequited love with right ladies. On the other hand, you do not select whom you love. “
Gomez-Barris pointed out that Halberstam had been more mindful to her than usual, even flirtatious. “She got up and gave me the higher chair, just as if she wished to look after me personally. I happened to be struck by that, ” she states. A couple of weeks later on, Halberstam advised they’re going away for lunch, and once more, Gomez-Barris had been impressed by characteristics she liked. “She decided on a restaurant that is japanese made reservations, picked me personally up within my place—on time. We felt drawn to her power, her charisma. I became enticed. And the bill was paid by her. Simply the motion had been sexy. She took effort and ended up being the absolute most person that is take-charge’d ever came across. “
Intrigued as Gomez-Barris ended up being, it never evertheless never ever happened to her which they will be any other thing more than buddies.
A beautiful pink sunset rounding out a perfect evening on a warm spring night in Malibu, after attending a film screening together, Gomez-Barris and Halberstam walked on the beach. They kicked down their footwear and went, laughing, through the tide that is rising. “At that point, things had been charged with intercourse, ” Gomez-Barris recalls 
. Her feelings deepened, and never very long later, they truly became enthusiasts. “It had been great, also it felt comfortable, ” she states for the evening they first became intimate. ” just exactly What blew me personally away had been that afterwards, Judith held us to her upper body. And so I got passion, closeness, and sweetness. And I also thought, ‘possibly i could get all of the plain things i want now. ‘”